I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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