they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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