Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
