Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
