Whats the glycemic index on semen?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
