5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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