if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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