I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
