The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
