he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
