I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
