I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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