dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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