one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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