I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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