dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
