i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
