I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
