went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Randomize