I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
