Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
