Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
