told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize