My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
