I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
