oh god the rape fog is back!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
