I accidentally had phone sex last night
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize