No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
