i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize