i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
