I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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