she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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