Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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