Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize