Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
