haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
two words...techno handjob
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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