ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
