your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
