I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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