she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize