if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
