I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
40s are totally the cure
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
