He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
