last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
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