We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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