can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
