I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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