Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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