It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
