I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
