we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
