i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
