Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
