lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
as a side note pls kill me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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