Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
