I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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