oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
