can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
