You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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