these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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