....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
