I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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