It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
