I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
