You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
