I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
