Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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