Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
