He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize