Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My vagina is officially offended.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
