You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
